I know I have to do this, not only for myself but, for my husband and for my son. Mostly, for my husband. We haven't been alone for longer than 4 hours in the last 15 months and it is definitely time for some quality time in our favorite Michigan escape (Traverse City). Kyle and I decided we would leave Spencer with my parents for his first overnight. Kyle knew that having my mom and dad watch Spencer was the only way he would get me to himself for a whole 48 hours. But, I worry for my mom. Spencer doesn't always sleep through the night, tantrums are a little more frequent, getting him to drink his milk can be a feat and molars, oh the molars. Damn teething. And I worry 4 hours is too far away incase something happens, good thing my parents live a block from the hospital (God forbid). Before having Spencer I never understood why my mom worried about my brother and I so much, I can remember telling her to stop, she would make herself sick... MOM, I GET IT! I totally get it, I will never tell you to stop worrying about us again.
I can't be the only mom going through this, at least I hope not. Sometimes I wonder if we should have done an overnight before he was a year old. Hey there parenthood, making me second guess myself every five minutes. The funniest part about this, I am the furthest thing from a helicopter parent. We don't hover over Spencer all day, we're good about giving him his tiny bit of independence. So, why am I having such a hard time with this? It's almost as if I cannot put into words why being away from my child is so hard for me. Ultimately, I worry I will miss a milestone. I worry he will just start walking an hour after we leave. That would be in total Spencer fashion, he started crawling the day I was supposed to have jury duty, luckily I didn't get called. I can't miss his first steps and I've sworn my mother to secrecy, if he does walk while we are gone, don't tell us - ugh as a stay at home mom it would just kill me if he started walking in the 48 hours I am away from him.
My husband keeps telling me, "we have to do it at some point" and he's right. There, I said it. Kyle, you're right. And what better time then our fifth wedding anniversary! But, knowing I have to do it and actually doing it, two different things. I remember telling myself when he turned one, ok now it's time for an overnight and then I put it off and put it off. Now, that it's here and he's close to 15 months I am kicking myself for not letting him stay with our parents for one night. You know, ease ourselves into a weekend away. And then I think about it more, and I tell myself "you're being silly" I mean come on our parents raised us they can totally handle Spencer for a weekend. And then I see the joy in my parents eyes and hear it in their voices when they tell people that they're getting him for the weekend and I am so happy for them. So much to the point that I cannot wait for Spencer to be able to stay with Kyle's parents too. I mean what a milestone that is for grandparents. The first time they get their grand baby overnight, what an exciting thing. And that, right there folks is what brings me peace. They're proud, they're proud of their own child and their proud of their grandchild. So, it's time. It's time to let my little bird fly from the nest, but only for 48 hours, there's a limits here. So, I intend to enjoy my weekend away alone with my husband celebrating five years of marriage, because that in itself is huge and I am proud of that and all the things we have accomplished in five years (7.5 years total).
Its time to put on my big girl pants, suck it up and realize this is the first of many, many years of worry. As if I don't worry enough already, my poor husband. I know Kyle is thinking I probably won't enjoy myself and all I will do is stress. But, I won't let that happen. I know he's in good hands. And even though it will be weird my little man isn't around I am going to enjoy every second I get with my husband alone on our fifth wedding anniversary. And then smother Spencer with hugs and kisses For days when we return.
***You're up next Nana and Papa, an overnight with Spencer coming to you soon.