Now that Spencer is over a year old I feel myself gravitating towards having another baby. I also catch myself wanting to love on every infant I see, wondering if maybe that will take away the urge to get pregnant again right now, but it doesn't and sometimes it makes it worse. Our neighbors have a 9 week old and sometimes I find myself at their house cuddling their little guy for an hour or so, just this past Friday night I called my neighbor just to see if I could come snuggle her baby, luckily she told me yes but, as I left their house I felt a stronger urge to have a baby, once again. Now, I also don't think that "baby fever" is just a women emotion, my husband definitely gets "baby fever" - don't think that he didn't sneak in a few minutes of cuddles with out neighbor's infant son.
The conclusion I've come to with my own "baby fever" is that ultimately I am afraid of all the lasts, I know that with every last there comes the firsts, but I find myself grieving over the fact that something Spencer just did could very well be the last time and I die inside a little. So, it becomes an internal battle of being sad for his lasts, but being over the moon for a ton of new firsts. I am currently wondering, when will he walk for the FIRST time, but then again when will be the LAST time he crawls. Or worse, what if I miss a last or a first -- honestly, it all just makes me want to go through this journey again for the second time and become a mommy to two beautiful children. Because we all know, there's nothing in this world like bringing home a newborn baby, nothing.
Plenty of people have shared their opinions with me about getting pregnant right now (as if it's enough when you're pregnant) and honestly I find it none of their business, but I tend to hear them out. What I have heard most, "you will never have this time alone with Spence again, so enjoy Spence, just the two of you" -- my thoughts are this: I agree, to an extent, if I were to get pregnant today that little bundle of joy wouldn't arrive until next year and I'd still have plenty of time to spend with Spencer, and I do not believe Spencer would ever be upset with mommy or daddy for giving him a sibling. In a perfect world I would love my children to all be around 2 years apart, but sometimes it just doesn't work out that way. Plus two kids, more experience, better mommy :) that's the way I tend to look at it. The next newborn we bring home will most definitely be easier than the first, we have a handle on things that is for sure.
I intend to make the best decision for my tiny family on the "baby fever" front, I am just so surprised how real it actually is. It's not the fact that Spencer is growing, it's the stages they go through. Spencer is at a learning and talking stage. Sometimes when I see pictures of newborns I think to myself, "I miss that age", the same as I am sure many of you do. The more they grow through stages the more we miss the previous stage, and the cycle continues. I mean, wouldn't it be easier if they could just stay little and innocent? But, who am I kidding. The faster they grow the more lasts we get, but the more firsts we gain. And we can't stop time...
Honestly, I am not sure if and when we will know for sure when we're ready to bring a sibling into this world for our son, but what I do know is whenever that time comes we will embrace every second of bringing another tiny miracle into this world. And don't think that I am not scared about another pregnancy, because I'd be lying if I told you I wasn't. I am more worried about the next then I was with my first. Why? The main reason is because I am considered "high risk" due to having Spencer before the 37th week. Being high risk can be classified many different ways, but thinking about it stresses me out. I can only hope that when the time comes, baby #2 decides to cook a little longer than his/her big brother. I know each pregnancy is different, but it doesn't mean you don't worry. Worrying is in my blood, my husband would probably think I was sick if I didn't worry.
So, if you're going through baby fever, know that you're not alone. Talk with your partner, he or she may be going through it too. Hopefully someone you're close with has a newborn where you can sneak in some quick cuddles. Or if you're ready to add onto that family of yours, go for it.
***I'd love to hear from you moms out there who are for sure done having kids, I'd love to know if you still experience baby fever. Send me an email or leave a comment below. My fear is that baby fever will come as every child continues to grow, I would love to know how other's deal and what are some of your thoughts.